I know we’re ‘supposed’ to eat our oranges, but quite honestly we’ve never been a big orange family. And as we get our fruit and vege delivered each week, we often end up with a mountain of oranges rotting in the back corner of the pantry. Don’t worry, this is not a post about what to do with a mountain of oranges. What it is about though, is where we find our community – our natural fit. So what do oranges and community have to do with each other?
Well actually, nothing. It’s actually more about eggs..
The other day I decided to seize a free moment and make our 999th orange cake (well it feels like that many!). However, half way through I realised (in a slightly less than graceful tizz) that I didn’t have any eggs! I guess I could have piled the kids into the car so I could race up to the supermarket. But seriously, who really wants to do that after a long day at school. I couldn’t think of anything worse! In moment of brilliance I decided to send our son up the street to borrow a couple from one of the neighbours.
Now not too long ago, this would definitely not have happened. I’ve always been rather independent, choosing the harder option of doing it alone. Sometimes because I wanted to prove to myself that I could and other times because I didn’t want to bother anyone. But in more recent years I’ve learned that it’s better to connect with the people in our communities, than to stay solo and slug it out alone.
Our street, has become one of these communities. We live in a dead end street with some of the loveliest people I’ve met in a long time. We have street parties, weekends away and afternoon bike rides out on the street. We don’t feel compelled to live in each other’s shoes but with nearly 30 kids roaming the street, we are spoilt for choice if we do want to mingle.
Last year, one neighbour and I swapped children for two half days each week so we could both work part-time. I also shared kinder and school pickup with another neighbour. Hand-me-down clothes are passed from house to house. We walk together when our free time collides. And we recently added babysitting to the shared list of benefits. Yes I realise we are quite spoiled but it didn’t happen overnight for me. I had to work at it and it has obviously been worth it on many different levels.
It’s a different sense of accomplishment when life is shared. And without wanting to sound too mushy…more fulfilling.
You may already be nodding away saying, “preach it sister”, but I suspect there are many more who like I did, find it hard to reach out and connect with those around you. Yes it sounds like I’m jumping on my soap box, but seriously the advantages far outweigh any initial discomfort you may feel. If you’re still unconvinced, try reading Modern Parent’s fabulous blog about the joys of community in Why we should let the village raise the child. She talks about how it not only benefits us, but our kids!
So next time you feel the need to ‘do it alone’ ask yourself this question… ‘How can I share this experience?’. Anyone for orange cake?
Do you have a community? In what ways are you sharing your lives? Have you noticed how this affects your children? Does this make you a better parent?
Great blog! And research backs you up too, we’re healthier (especially mental health) when we’re in community. Problem for me at this house funnily enough is our busy through road! That simple fact kills lots of chats, street parties, etc. it really is easier in a village, or dead-end street:-) Definitely worth remembering when we finally buy a house…. Well done.
We used to live in a through road too so I know what you mean. It is a bit harder. Although in that home we were lucky enough to be ‘friendly’ neighbours with 2 families. And funnily enough we’re still friends with one set of them. I promise to let you know if a house comes up for sale in our street though!
Love your blog, community is so important and it’s lovely when it’s just a simple ‘hi’ and a quick blether in the street.
Well done on starting this! I love it. You’re one creative clever mamma!
Thanks Gillie! Blether – now that’s a word you don’t hear very often. I’d love to have a quick blether with you next time you down here in Oz!
Look forward to it! Maybe a wee bit longer than a quick blether though!!
xxxx
I am in awe Lou. You shine in the neighbourhood and have such a lovely relaxed nature so life gives back what you put in…. Support, love and friendship is essentially the mirror of what you provide. Will make sure I regularly tune into your blog.
Thanks Kath. You’re a bit of a legend in the ‘hood’ so your lovely encouragement means a lot!
When we moved out her to ‘the country’ from the city I was a ‘do it alone’ kind of person. I had this crazy idea that if I asked for help then people would think I wasn’t coping with my toddler twins (possibly because I didn’t cope for a long time when they were babies but never said anything to anyone).
It took me a while to gain the confidence in myself and a few stray horses to know that reaching out and asking for help is one of the best ways to make friends… as is offering help.
Loved this post.
I agree Kate. Sometimes the ‘first move’ needs to be made by offering help or even a RAOK (random act of kindness).
I agree entirely Lou, running out of eggs can be the start of a beautiful friendship and as I know raising children in a community is absolutley wonderful for what it offers and for the role modelling we wish to creat.
I always say that mothering is too hard to go it alone. In times gone by, women did their mothering in community with each other. Young mums with older mums with aunts and grandmas and sisters-in-law. Not saying we should go back to that necessarily (!!) but we do still need to find or create our own community around us. Fab post. xx
Thanks Catherine. It’s so true and although it’s not as frequently seen these days in large metropolitan areas, I’m sure it’s still a reality for some people.
We live in a little close with lots of people around, it’s great fun because we all know each other. We don’t share lifts to school because it’s only just down the road but my younger brother gets a lift home from school by someone in a nearby village. I think your neighbor isn’t just the people who live next door and around you they’re also people who are the when you need them most. Amazing Post!
You’re a very smart cookie Eleanor! Thanks for your lovely comment.
Great blog Lou! I don’t live in a street like this as it’s actually a very busy road but I am fast mustering the mums now that my daughter has started school!
Makes life so much easier and the more fabulous and different influences my daughter has on her, the better, as far as I’m concerned.
Cheers! Alli x
Exactly! Thanks for the encouragement.
Appreciate you sharing this Alli. Thanks
Love this blog – I grew up in a neighbourhood like this one and sadly, have never been able to find the same sort of neighbnours in my own street. You’re very lucky and make the most of it!
Chris